What not to say to pregnant women….

I remember so many times when I was pregnant being stopped and told ‘Are you sure there’s only one in there?’ and had to do the false laugh ‘haha, yes, pretty sure…‘ *eye roll* and just recently in the Costa queue I heard an older lady say the very same thing to a pregnant stranger.

It got me reminiscing and I wanted to share some of my favourite ever things I heard whilst pregnant. [By favourite, I mean most annoying/rude/irritating/totally uncalled for statements]

1. ‘Look at that bump, is it twins?‘
   No Karen, it’s about 20% baby, 30% Nandos and 50% Greggs sausage rolls. I haven’t commented on your gunt, so kindly refrain from commenting on mine.
   
2. ‘Oh my god, was it planned?’
   This was honestly the most frequent question I got asked by family and friends. Perhaps they just couldn’t believe that I would ever choose to procreate..but I found it so rude! Imagine if it wasn’t. [Spoiler: they both were.]
   
3. ‘You’re carrying all upfront, it’s definitely a girl’
   Oh yes Barbara, with psychic powers like that you best place a bet on the donkeys. It’s only a 50/50 chance you’ll be right and also, I’ll probably (hopefully) never see you again so you’ll never actually know.
   
4. ‘If I had one piece of advice, it’d be sleep when the baby sleeps’
   Sure thing, I’ll sleep whilst I’m driving around very street of my area trying to get the little bugger to sleep. I’ll even catch forty winks whilst bopping up and down with the baby in the baby carrier, or maybe whilst I’m walking them around in the trolley around the supermarket. I’ll even let my other child just fend for themselves whilst I’m napping for all this time. Great advice, my favourite.
   
5. ‘Are you planning to breastfeed?’
   Are you planning on getting motorboated tonight Marilyn? Worry about your own titties and I’ll worry about mine thank you.
   
6. ‘Oh my god, let you tell me about my pregnancy’
   Well, I didn’t ask but if you insist on telling someone who really doesn’t care – please, fire away.
   
7. ‘It’s not the pregnancy that’s awful…it’s the birth!’
   Excellent. I’m totally thrilled to hear your positivity as I prepare my vagina to dilate to the size of a Dairylea triangle pack. What goes in, must come out and I’m quite sure it’s horrendous. But it’s a little late to back out now.
   
8. ‘Are you planning on having anymore?’
   Errrr, let me get this one out of the way please Susan. I may never want a pork sword anywhere near my swollen vagina again. Hold your horses.
   
9. ‘Oh, he’s going to be such a good dad’
   Really? You can see into the future, or quite frankly the past then, as you’ve only just met us in the street and you have no idea of his past life as a serial killer. As you were…

What helpful things were you told when you were pregnant? I’d love to hear them!