How the fu*k have we made it to Year 2?
I really can’t believe nearly a year’s passed from when I jotted down my thoughts on ‘First year as a first time mama’ – I was amazed we had managed to keep our very own human alive for 365 whole days, let alone doing the double!
So, my observations of bringing up baby – the second year goes like this…
× Kids, whatever age, are still brilliant objects to dress up.
× Work is a saviour! Go back to work, be independent, drink hot tea, talk about rude things without the fear of your crudity being repeated at inappropriate times.
× Learn to switch off. You know that thing that parents used to say “I don’t even notice their screaming, I just switch off“, yeah that.
× You still can’t just ‘pop’ anywhere. But now it’s worse – they want to WALK. Then they walk 7 steps and want to be carried, all 2.5 stone of them.
× They learn words. And then repeat them over and over and over again. My favourite of this year has been ‘Bugger’, ‘Good shite’ and ‘Peppa’.
× They develop an unhealthy fascination of Peppa Pig/Ben & Holly/Bananas In Pyjamas – and then want all of the massively over-priced figurines to match. And if they don’t get them then……
× ….They tantrum. Oh my god I thought that was just a thing that bitter old mothers said. Turns out they do. Or I’m just a bitter old mother.
× Terrible twos? Ha ha, pull the other one. Starts about a month after the wonderful ones.
× They start to look like their gender. Yes! We’ve gone a year with no-one asking what his name is.
× They sleep! And she even asks to go to bed. Sometimes, I keep her up a few minute longer – payback buddy, payback.
× The pure unadulterated, unhealthy, killer desire of anyone that parks in a parent and child car parking space without a child gets stronger.
× On the whole, people stop giving you advice. They just look at you in disgust thinking ‘are you seriously letting your child eat that whole bar of chocolate?’ – Yes, because I am desperate to get my shopping done and bribery is the only way.
× The recognition factor is amazing – she distinguishes groups of friends/family/people now.
× Soft plays become your second home. And yet you secretly despise all those nasty kids that push yours over.
× There’s nothing better than every night hearing “Good night, uv ooo mummy”
× I still cry at absolutely everything. Quite a lot.
× I drink more than ever before. Hic.
× The pressure begins for the next one *shudders in fear*
I’ve got a feeling 2016 is going to be the year of the bumps and babies in my friendship circle…. lets see what the next year brings for us all!
So, my observations of bringing up baby – the second year goes like this…
× Kids, whatever age, are still brilliant objects to dress up.
× Work is a saviour! Go back to work, be independent, drink hot tea, talk about rude things without the fear of your crudity being repeated at inappropriate times.
× Learn to switch off. You know that thing that parents used to say “I don’t even notice their screaming, I just switch off“, yeah that.
× You still can’t just ‘pop’ anywhere. But now it’s worse – they want to WALK. Then they walk 7 steps and want to be carried, all 2.5 stone of them.
× They learn words. And then repeat them over and over and over again. My favourite of this year has been ‘Bugger’, ‘Good shite’ and ‘Peppa’.
× They develop an unhealthy fascination of Peppa Pig/Ben & Holly/Bananas In Pyjamas – and then want all of the massively over-priced figurines to match. And if they don’t get them then……
× ….They tantrum. Oh my god I thought that was just a thing that bitter old mothers said. Turns out they do. Or I’m just a bitter old mother.
× Terrible twos? Ha ha, pull the other one. Starts about a month after the wonderful ones.
× They start to look like their gender. Yes! We’ve gone a year with no-one asking what his name is.
× They sleep! And she even asks to go to bed. Sometimes, I keep her up a few minute longer – payback buddy, payback.
× The pure unadulterated, unhealthy, killer desire of anyone that parks in a parent and child car parking space without a child gets stronger.
× On the whole, people stop giving you advice. They just look at you in disgust thinking ‘are you seriously letting your child eat that whole bar of chocolate?’ – Yes, because I am desperate to get my shopping done and bribery is the only way.
× The recognition factor is amazing – she distinguishes groups of friends/family/people now.
× Soft plays become your second home. And yet you secretly despise all those nasty kids that push yours over.
× There’s nothing better than every night hearing “Good night, uv ooo mummy”
× I still cry at absolutely everything. Quite a lot.
× I drink more than ever before. Hic.
× The pressure begins for the next one *shudders in fear*
I’ve got a feeling 2016 is going to be the year of the bumps and babies in my friendship circle…. lets see what the next year brings for us all!
