Did I ask for your advice?
Here’s a little round up of my favourite pieces of ‘advice’ I’ve heard…
- ‘Sleep now while you still can’
– Thanks but I’m not actually tired. And I’m at work. Also, you CAN’T BANK SLEEP.
- ‘Sleep when the baby sleeps’
– I haven’t mastered the art of driving whilst snoozing but I’ll keep it in mind.
- ‘Try and get them into a bedtime routine as early as possible’
– My baby likes sleeping anytime that’s not actually bedtime. Routine, what?
- ‘You look so tired’
– Fuck off, I am. I haven’t slept a full night in four bloody months. Or even more than two hours at a time.
- ‘Take all the drugs, labour is horrendous’
– Thanks for informing me of that, there’s no going back for me now but please, carry on, fill me with your over-exaggerated labour horror story.
- ‘Oh, you bottle feed your baby?’
– Yes I do. Problem? [Read this]
- ‘Oh it’s all worth it isn’t it’
– Right now I have greasy hair, no make up on, I’ve got sick all over my tracksuit bottoms – probably not the best time to ask me that.
……and don’t even get me started on those looks and tuts when your child is screaming the quietest place down.