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Lady jumping in Gibraltar

Parenting is boring. There I said it…

A caveat to this post title should be “I wish parenting was boring”, but it’s a bloody full on job – we work 24/7 for zero pay and very little reward – and the only Christmas party we get treated to is the joy of overtired, overexcited children who won’t go to sleep and give no f**ks about our hangovers. It’s that point that I’m very tempted to offer my ‘colleagues’ a little tot of brandy to send them on the way.

  • To the parent who doesn’t enjoy ‘playing dolls’
  • To the parent who doesn’t want to endure another ‘tea party’ surrounded by squishmallows, pretending to eat another yummy jam sandwich and sip fake tea.
  • To the parent who wishes they weren’t called ‘Mummy’ (or ‘Daddy’) just for a second, especially when it’s on constant repeat and hitting higher decibels every second that you don’t respond.
  • To the parent who doesn’t want to share their food. Or, just – for once – wants a hot cup of tea. In peace.
  • To the parent who says ‘hold on, promise I’ll do that in a minute’ and then promptly forgets, only remembering once their in bed that you broke your promise to them.
  • To the parent who has answered to ‘Why?’ over fifty times today..and is questioning ‘why’ they decided to procreate.
  • To the parent who doesn’t want to build a den out of a thousand sheets and blankets, only to sit in it hunched over in darkness.
  • To the parent who just wants a bath in peace without a small being popping in for a poo (even though there are other toilets in the house)
  • To the parent who just wants to catch up on a book/TV programme/gossip with a friend without those words “Mummy look”.
  • To the parent who drops the school admin balls and sends their child/ren to school in uniform when it’s dress down day.
  • To the parent who feeds their kids crackers, crisps, frubes and fruit strings on the regular. With a side of cucumber, obvs. (I’ve never felt more seen)
  • To the parent who shouts at their child/ren after the fifth time of asking them to stop doing something – and then gets to the end of the day and cries that they said something that might affect them later down the line.
  • For the parent who has silently jumped for joy counting down the ’18 summers’ bullsh*t that circulates on social media annually.
  • To the parent who cannot be arsed to help with homework after a long day. For them, and for us.
  • To the parent who has moaned about their child non-stop in the same day that they stumble over a couple who want nothing more than a child of their own to love.
  • To the parent who is sick to the back teeth of Bing Bunny, Cocomelon, Peppa Pig and Little Baby Bum.
  • To the parent who craves alone time, and then feels guilty when they’re gone.
  • To the parent who has taken a longer than usual shower just to stand there and cry and get your frustrations out over a sh*t day of parenting.
  • To the parent who can’t face another bathtime battle and an even bigger teethbrushing battle.
  • To the parent who just wants a lie-in and not have to do another cheery school run. In the rain.
  • To the parent who is trying their best, but it never feels good enough.

I see you. I am you. Infact, I am all of these.

I also feel totally privileged to be a mum and I wouldn’t be without the ones who make my hair turn greyer quicker than I can patch it up. But, parenting is a relentless task – I’m here doing my best, just as you are – so go easy on yourself, we are human and we need time out too.

And remember, as long as you always love your children – you don’t always have to like them!